It’s been a while! Hope you have all been doing good in these crazy times we live in. I was shocked by these morning newspapers, but we won’t go into that today. I’ve been traveling which hasn’t happened in over 2 years and feels really weird and I opened up to many many new experiences;
So I am writing this to you from my friend's apartment in New York, the money city as I call it now. I had this dream for a while to go to NYC and maybe study here or live here for some time enjoying the art scene and maybe getting that success I’ve been talking about (haha). 3 years ago when I was here, I completely fell in love with the city, its craziness, the feeling of always moving, the glamour (yes, glamour!!). But this time, it is very different. The main thing maybe being, that I have changed! But also, the world has changed! What I realized being here now was that this city is all about money, almost telling you; you can only experience fun and good times if you spend money. Would I want to spend long working hours, struggling to pay rent to be able to say: I lived in New York? Yes, there are things here that I can experience that I can’t experience at home. Yes, I might meet the right people at the right time. But is that worth all of the effort I would have to put into it?
The more I write and think about success, the more it has become something I am not sure I would want to have. At least not the success most people view as succes. The working yourself to tears, to burnout, just to have so much money on your account. To live in that one house. To drive that one car.
I find it funny that my last letter was about wanting to be famous and now my head is looking in a different direction again. It is not that I don’t want to be famous anymore. You know, the world tells you narratives, so many different ones. Which one fits me? Or how do I write my own?
I visited one of my mom’s friends here in Hastings-on-Hudson, a bit more north of NYC, she is a very interesting person and we had many great discussions. She told me about agency, how she believes that everybody makes choices all the time and that you have the ability to act upon your own will. This opened my eyes, not that I didn’t know that was the case but I guess when you hear people talk about how they achieved something it’s always looking backward at their path almost seeming as if they planned everything and ‘poof’ that worked out. But in reality, opportunities arise and you choose to say yes or no. That’s how a path becomes the path. Now, I also believe that some things are not in your hands, like your surroundings and who your parents are, etc. It was just very freeing to hear, I have a choice to do whatever I want to do and also a responsibility to think about how that might turn out, affect others.
It feels like I am growing! And to be honest, that is the best feeling there is.
Talking to her also made me realize, I need friends that are older haha! But seriously, this world telling us aging is bad is a narrative I don’t want to intervene with and! do not believe in. I need older people around me, having them teach me about life experience, wisdom, and how to care.
Here is a big shout-out to my mom, who has always cared for elderly people and seen their importance in the world. I am so immensely grateful for you and the work you have done and still are doing.
For me, this is all a lot to digest. Don’t get me wrong, I have been having the time of my life here and seeing people I haven’t in a long time, with love and beauty around me. It is all about choices.
Have a good one (as they say here)
Until next time < 3
ps: here is a pic from money city to you xxx